Pagan on the Down-Low: Planning a Meaningful Ceremony When Your Religion is a Secret

Many practicing Pagans are reluctant to share their spirituality publicly for fear of being misunderstood or treated poorly by those in their community. In our business, we frequently hear couples raise concerns about whether or not they can truly have a Pagan wedding when there are friends, family members, or co-workers who will be at the ceremony and may misunderstand or disapprove. 

When we've seen these concerns posted by Pagan couples on social media, a lot of the responses we hear revolve around simply leaving those individuals out of the ceremony altogether.  While I believe that this is well-intentioned advice, there are many ways to handle this type of situation and still include friends and loved ones whose spiritual worldview may differ significantly from your own.

Here are a few of the ways that savvy magical couples have created ceremonies that were a great experience for everyone without skimping on creating a deeply spiritual ceremony that speaks to them. 

Design A Ceremony that is Rich with Pagan Myth and Magic but Not Obviously So.

The wonderful thing about nature religions and magic, in general, is that there is meaning in everything from the way the seasons progress to how the dandelion unfolds. So, there are a lot of opportunities to add meaning that is subtle and powerful for any Pagans who may be attending, without alerting the potentially more disapproving members of the guest list that anything other than a very personalized wedding is taking place.

This language of correspondences is the foundation of a lot of magical practice, so savvy couples can use this to their advantage when choosing the location, wedding decorations and materials, clothing, and when designing their vows.

For example, a passage sometimes used that reminds couples to support each other "as the Earth nourishes and supports the mighty oak, as the oak uplifts the vine as it reaches for the heavens," is not just a lovely nature-themed visualization, it also speaks in many ways about love and the sacred power of such a love between two people. Pagan attendees are likely to get the reference and understand the deeper meaning while maintaining the exterior image of a more secular ceremony.

For example,  Dionysus (associated with grapevines) and Athena (to whom the oak is a sacred tree).  Alternately it can be viewed as the male principle (oak) becoming one with the divine female principle (vine) as she grows about the oak in her sacred spiraling motion.  This particular metaphor even works well for same-sex marriages as Dionysius is said to have had counted amongst his loves a young satyr-boy named Ampelos who perished while trying to ride a wild bull, only to be turned into a vine by the mourning God. Of course, we don't need any mourning or wild bull accidents, but we *can* appreciate that the love of Dionysus for Ampelos was so powerful that it changed Ampelos forever, transforming his life and giving him a new beginning, even as his old life was ending, and appreciate too their love's eternal and enduring nature. Such symbols and myths can be easily crafted into almost every aspect of the ceremony without making non-Pagan guests uncomfortable or arousing the ire of more orthodox attendees.

Plan A Separate Ceremony

Instead of crafting a custom ceremony, some couples concerned about how attendees may feel about an openly Pagan ceremony opt to hold two separate and distinct ceremonies instead. One ceremony is frequently a traditional Christian wedding (although it could easily be in the style of any other non-pagan wedding ceremony), while the other is often a much more elaborate Pagan ceremony. Some couples choose to have the same officiant preside over both events, some use officiants of different faiths to preside over each ceremony. If there is more than one officiant, the couple should decide which officiant will be responsible for signing and filing the couple's official certificate of marriage well beforehand and make sure that the choice has been communicated to both officiants.

Using tricks such as these, Pagan couples can enjoy a ceremony that is meaningful and special to them, without causing discord with family and friends who may not be understanding of their spiritual path. 

Not sure where to start? Pagan Wedding Officiants can help you design the perfect ceremony for your special day from the elaborate, to the seemingly-secular. Contact us today to get started!